Give of Your Excess

Yesterday a wise reader wrote in to Ask Amy in the Chicago Tribune...

... Something valuable I learned is that you can only give of your excess. If you give to others from your essence (that which you need to keep yourself emotionally healthy), it will create a vacuum in your own life.

That vacuum will fill up with all kinds of negative things--resentment, frustration, substance abuse, etc. Giving to others is a beautiful and satisfying thing, but only if you can afford to give it.

-Learned the Hard Way

 

Aging

 

 

-source-

I've never minded getting older. At least until my 60s. I still don't mind terribly. I just hate the age spots. More than the wrinkles.

First thing in the morning CA and I resemble Neanderthals until our muscles and ligaments get warmed up and we can finally straighten our backs. Some mornings require Yoga stretches. Most mornings require Advil.

I love being a grandma, and I love being invisible. Middle-age and Elderly women are like celophane--invisible. That's freeing. No worries. Sweatpants out and about? No one notices. No make-up? Ditto. I have freedom to move about, observe, and eavesdrop at will. I'm invisible.

I try not to "sweat the small stuff." I know I've acquired some wisdom from living. A perspective on the "bigger picture."

I have time to grant wishes for my Fun Kids. Bake cookies? Sure. M&Ms or shapes? Teach sewing? Let's get out the machine. Pillow? Purse? Pocket heart? Take your turn. We can make anything. Tic-Tac-Toe? Will you be "X's" or "O's?"

A Bear Hunt? Get your flashlights! Let's sing a-long. "We're going on a Bear Hunt. We're going on a Bear Hunt. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid..."

Let me brush your hair. You have beautiful hair. You're such a nice boy/girl. I'm very proud of you. Did you know that grandma prays for you every day? Bunches of times a day.

 

The hardest part of getting older? Aging parents and siblings. Confusion, mania, depression. Illness, surgeries, anger. Theirs, not mine. Mine are a whole different issue!

 

I think more about death. My life as a widow, or CA's as a widower. Our differing funeral wishes. I want no fuss, no muss--cremation and a simple graveside service. CA leans way into the traditional--visitation (wake), a coffin, and the full funeral rites. We don't have to match.

 

When KG asked us to reflect on Aging and to write a short summary for Small Group tonight I immediately remembered this photo and the cute comment that accompanies it.

 

 

Saying No

 

Caught part of the Diane Rehm Show on NPR as I drove home from the gym today. She was interviewing Jane Fonda, whom I've grown to respect. She is a fine actress, and has lived an interesting life.

The interview centers around a newly released book by Fonda-- "Being a Teen: Everything Teen Girls & Boys Should Know about Relationships, Sex, Love, Health, Identity & More."

This particular excerpt really caught my attention:

 

(Jane Fonda)

I want you to use protection, so forth. If you can't talk that way, then you can't, you're not ready to have sex. If you don't trust the person you're with, it's not a good relationship. There should never be pressure or abuse or force. No is a complete sentence. I mean, we've got to keep saying this to our girls and boys.

No is a complete sentence.

Really.

Profound.

I'm going to use that; remember that; apply it.

 

In Other Words

 

-source-

 

 

Or, "It's all about me."

 

The Wind is Not a River

(source)

 

The Wind is Not a River

Brian Payton

Some men have the great misfortune to stand at life's continental divide and see that the land beyond is barren. There is no hope of turning back. What does one do with this view?

It takes the rest of the day, but then the answer descends on him like a revelation. Easley's eyes open wide, he stands to greet its arrival. It is the phrase, the riddle he has been repeating like a prayer. It is, of course Tatiana.

The wind is not a river.

Her chain of islands that dares to separate the North Pacific from the Bering Sea. A chain through which the wind whips into some of the world's most fearsome storms. One minute it's a hurricane, the next a breeze. But rivers! Rivers flow throughout the seasons--under bright summer sun, plates of winter ice--morning, noon, and night. Wind rises up and fades away, but a river flows endlessly.

And our suffering? This too shall pass. The wind is not a river.

pg. 186

If John were with her now, he would hold her hand and tell her not to fill the void with fear. Be realistic, he'd say, but do not jump straight to catastrophic conclusions... There are enough hard facts to confront each day without letting our imaginations get the better of us--without letting worry drain our real lives away

pg. 264

Just posted a review of this wonderful novel on my First Paragraphs blog. Need to capture these quotes here, as they are a necessary reminder and a caution besides.

 

Faith-Grace

Recent events in my family of origin have highlighted how easily we revert to/hold onto a flawed view of God's grace and human fragility.

Unfortunately, it seems that God allows a whole lot more ambiguous and painful things to enter our lives than we were led to believe in our younger days. There was definitely a teaching that if we followed Christ perfectly we could be spared most of the nastiness of life. Turns out that bad things happen to Christ followers, too. Faith, prayer, legalism, etc. can't cure mental illness.

Funny... Legalistic Christians can accept cancer, disease, tragedy, etc. as just the experience of every life, but there's a bias that believes that mental illness hinges on a right relationship with God. Now, that's a slippery slope that we watched our mom slide down. Repeatedly.

Mental illness was the background of our family relationships. As was faith in an omnipotent God, and his call on us as Christ-followers to walk a righteous path.

The fact that my siblings have built healthy, loving families who continue to walk with the Lord is precisely attributable to prayerful grandparents, parents, and aunts and uncles. And, to God's grace and unconditional love.

 

Real Love

... Love has to be tough and uncomfortable, and it has to sting if it's going to prove to be real and last for the long haul. Love that's too timid to ache isn't love at all.

Pg. 31

The Rook

by Steven James

 

Well said. A jewel hidden in the pages of an FBI procedural novel.

 

Not the popular culture's view of love, for sure. But in the midst of months and months of walking alongside encouraging, questionning, and challenging my brother, it's the love he needs. And, it's the only love I can offer.

 

I've grieved his circumstances. I'm angry at his choices and lethargy. I've exhausted myself emotionally, but the anger has helped me to regain the healthy emotional distance I need for the long haul.

 

I can pray, but I'm done with the advice. He's extremely intelligent. He remembers much. He's heard it all. Taking action is his downfall.