Best Birthday Gift Ever; A Letter from My Brother

My brother @1965 at approximately 6 years old.
Picture Day.

 

After the email exchange of a few days ago, I didn't hear from my brother. But, he posted this photo on Facebook, indicating he did that for me. Then, I woke up to find the following had been emailed late on my birthday yesterday.

 

Hi M,

Hope it's been a great day with JE's family, grandkids must be a blast. Looking forward to it. I'm sure they take a lot of energy to keep up with.

I wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday, and yes, I screwed up on the card thing, and no, this is not in lieu of. I just felt the need to express what a great big sister you have been to me. For as long as I can remember you've been doing things for me to make my childhood and beyond a little richer.

I remember you making it possible for me to attend basketball camp at Wheaton College, and taking me horseback riding for the first time. I still have vivid memories of both, and I'm sure I'm leaving out more. Words can't express my gratitude for what you did last year, all the time on the phone, trying to help me keep it together. I was so conflicted in my mind I didn't know what was real. I'm so sorry for what I put you and the rest of the family through, especially last winter. Then when you stood in the gap between hospital and home, well, that was just over the top. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The email you sent about the picture and my growing up was spot on. Although, I wasn't really raised by wolves; Jesus had a hand in that. Through Sunday School and Christian Endeavor, Bible Club and Vacation Bible School, good neighbors and teachers, He provided just what was needed. Mom instilled a conscience in me that guides me to this day, although I have chosen to ignore it at times it's always there.

I wrote another poem yesterday, a somewhat fictionalized version of some of what I've come through in the last 2 years. I'll share it with you later and you can critique it for me. Part of me has wanted to try my hand at song writing, (country of course) but I'm not sure how my style matches up with how they do it. If nothing else, it seems to be cathartic for me (pretty fancy word for a redneck wanna be, huh?). Hahaha!

Well, (as mom would say) well, thanks again for everything, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

 

My response? A simple, "I love you."

P.s. He ALWAYS sends great birthday cards.

Aging

 

 

-source-

I've never minded getting older. At least until my 60s. I still don't mind terribly. I just hate the age spots. More than the wrinkles.

First thing in the morning CA and I resemble Neanderthals until our muscles and ligaments get warmed up and we can finally straighten our backs. Some mornings require Yoga stretches. Most mornings require Advil.

I love being a grandma, and I love being invisible. Middle-age and Elderly women are like celophane--invisible. That's freeing. No worries. Sweatpants out and about? No one notices. No make-up? Ditto. I have freedom to move about, observe, and eavesdrop at will. I'm invisible.

I try not to "sweat the small stuff." I know I've acquired some wisdom from living. A perspective on the "bigger picture."

I have time to grant wishes for my Fun Kids. Bake cookies? Sure. M&Ms or shapes? Teach sewing? Let's get out the machine. Pillow? Purse? Pocket heart? Take your turn. We can make anything. Tic-Tac-Toe? Will you be "X's" or "O's?"

A Bear Hunt? Get your flashlights! Let's sing a-long. "We're going on a Bear Hunt. We're going on a Bear Hunt. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid..."

Let me brush your hair. You have beautiful hair. You're such a nice boy/girl. I'm very proud of you. Did you know that grandma prays for you every day? Bunches of times a day.

 

The hardest part of getting older? Aging parents and siblings. Confusion, mania, depression. Illness, surgeries, anger. Theirs, not mine. Mine are a whole different issue!

 

I think more about death. My life as a widow, or CA's as a widower. Our differing funeral wishes. I want no fuss, no muss--cremation and a simple graveside service. CA leans way into the traditional--visitation (wake), a coffin, and the full funeral rites. We don't have to match.

 

When KG asked us to reflect on Aging and to write a short summary for Small Group tonight I immediately remembered this photo and the cute comment that accompanies it.

 

 

Faith-Grace

Recent events in my family of origin have highlighted how easily we revert to/hold onto a flawed view of God's grace and human fragility.

Unfortunately, it seems that God allows a whole lot more ambiguous and painful things to enter our lives than we were led to believe in our younger days. There was definitely a teaching that if we followed Christ perfectly we could be spared most of the nastiness of life. Turns out that bad things happen to Christ followers, too. Faith, prayer, legalism, etc. can't cure mental illness.

Funny... Legalistic Christians can accept cancer, disease, tragedy, etc. as just the experience of every life, but there's a bias that believes that mental illness hinges on a right relationship with God. Now, that's a slippery slope that we watched our mom slide down. Repeatedly.

Mental illness was the background of our family relationships. As was faith in an omnipotent God, and his call on us as Christ-followers to walk a righteous path.

The fact that my siblings have built healthy, loving families who continue to walk with the Lord is precisely attributable to prayerful grandparents, parents, and aunts and uncles. And, to God's grace and unconditional love.

 

Unglued: A Prayer

 

"God, I'm so tired of being hurt. I'm so tired of feeling distracted and discouraged by this(these) situation(s). Pour your lavish mercy on my heart and into this(these) hard relationship(s)... help me see how to separate myself graciously from this(these) constant source(s) of hurt in my life. It all feels impossisble...Reveal clearly how I can best honor You, even in this."

Lysa TerKeurst

Unglued

 

 

 

PRAYERS

I've mentioned before, I'm from a family of praying women. And, the lives of each family member has certainly been blessed by the consistency of those prayers.

Many of my memories of Grandma Korta center around her prayers. We were expected to participate in (lengthy and on your knees) family devotions when we visited. First there would be a Bible passage read aloud, and then Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Vivian, and I would move to our knees for prayers--each in-turn.

And, if Grandma was nowhere to be seen, you could almost always find her in her closet, on her knees in front of the vanity bench pictured above. I inherited it, by request, back in the early 1970s and eventually had friends reupholster it in a beautiful fabric, which I still love about 20 years later.

I'm a praying mother and grandmother. I don't think I have the attention span that my fore-mothers had, but I do try to remember each of my loved ones in prayer most days. There is power in prayer. I've the stories to prove it.

MAYA ANGELOU

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
(Thanks, Mary Schmich, for sharing these words in today's Chicago Tribune.)

Too true.

I've been on the receiving end--left feeling devalued and ashamed, unnecessarily--and, please forgive me dear Lord, I've been on the giving end when I should have been ashamed and didn't own it until much later. Sometimes too late.

I trust that some of my words and actions have fallen on the right side of how I've made others feel, I know I've had my share of warm, fuzzy, appreciative, life-giving feelings imparted from others.

PRAYER

I do it. Always have. Always will. I have friends who claim to never do it. How can that be true? In a world with tests, trauma, violence, loss... everyone prays sometime. I'm convinced.

I was fascinated to read in a May 2008 National Day of Prayer message to Congress, Ravi Zacharias quoted a 5th century writer on prayer. I love words and was thunderstruck to realize the sophistication of the words and thoughts of John Chrysostom as he wrote of prayer in the 400s A.D.

The potency of prayer hath subdued the strength of fire; it hath bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest, extinguished wars, appeased the elements, burst the chains of death, expanded the gates of heaven, subdued evil instincts, assuaged diseases, repelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, stayed the sun in its course, and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt. Prayer is an all-sufficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine which is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by the clouds, a heaven unruffled by the storm. It is the root, the fountain, and the mother of a thousand blessings.

I had a mother who prayed. And, a grandmother and grandfather, and I have living aunts who pray for me each day. I can attest to the potency of prayer; the sufficiency; the blessings. I am convinced that my life would be much less without the prayers of those who love me--however imperfectly.

Why not pray? Is it the fear or the conviction that no one is listening? Zacharias also quotes from C.S. Lewis's Letters to Malcolm Chiefly on Prayer and a poem from an unknown author.

They tell me, Lord, that when I pray,
Only one voice is heard;
That I’m dreaming,
You’re not there,
This whole thing is absurd.
Maybe they’re right, Lord,
Maybe there’s only one voice that’s heard.
But if there’s only one voice that’s heard,
Lord, it’s not mine, it’s your voice.
I’m not dreaming; you are the dreamer.
And I am your dream.

WHAT CHANGES DO I NEED TO MAKE IMMEDIATELY

And, from mid-November 1994.

• find time to focus / center
• don't do multiple things at once--just because I can doesn't mean I have to
• stay out of wasteful, unproductive conversations
• limit exposure to excessive negativity
• don't spread petty frustrations
• insist on exercise
• prioritize personal devotional / growth
• realistically evaluate home responsibilities--redistribute or revise
• keep a tight hold on social commitments, excursions, even conversations that distract, confuse, and frustrate
• pursue healthy, nurturing connections and relationships

"He is able more than able to accomplish what concerns me today...

If I could look through your eyes, I would see that I'm worthy...

I'm learnin' how to lean and depend on Jesus. He's my friend and He's my guide...

Little by little I've been learning to depend upon the Savior. I know He's gonna provide for my every need."

Willow Creek Community Church Ever Devoted CD (c) 1994, Rory Noland & Greg Ferguson

WOW! Such wisdom then and just as applicable now. A great reminder

HEALTHY WOMEN

I don't know why we have all done so well in our marriages and raising our children. Without exception they are exceptional, loving, successful children. Without exception. And, there are 13 nieces and nephews.

Well, I do know why--all those prayers for the five little girls and the baby brother--grandma and grandpa, great aunt VS, aunts, uncles... we were a family of prayers. We sure had our dysfunctions, but still they prayed.

"Nobody grows up in a home such as ours. You just wait to be done with it, and you hope you'll have the opportunity to grow up later."

For Love

by Sue Miller

THE CLOSET, PART 3

This is a different closet. My grandma's walk-in closet. I didn't know anyone ever, growing up, who had a walk-in closet, but my grandma did. She was precious and cherished by my grandpa. They met when he was 25 and she 15 years old. They dated for 10 years before they married--he was determined to build her a house before they married. And, he did. When the first floor was completed, they married. They lived in that house together 46 years and raised 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. They had 8, but the other two had responsible parents.