RUMINATING... The Good Kind

I can do real damage to myself with pointless rumination. We all can, if we're so inclined. Lately I've been doing the good kind of ruminating... The kind where I overflow with happiness and praise for God's grace, love, and gifts.

I decided to actually retire full-time instead of part-time, and it's SO freeing. I love it. Life was a little too slow this summer as I sought purpose to go along with my freedom. That part is going to take some time, but for the present and the next four months my little ones are here from Europe and each day is full to overflowing. We'll have Thanksgiving together--all of us, including 4-3/4 little ones: LG, JA, KF, LE, and a yet-to-be named baby girl.

WHAT I DO DIFFERENTLY NOW

In January 1995 I reflected on what changes I had made from 1994 and prior, I would never have remember all this if Í hadn't been blogging and looking through my recovery journal.

• 10:00 - 10:30pm bedtime
• walk AM and PM; 4 miles/day
• cleaned up relationships
• healthy prioritizing; knowing what's "deeply important
• less hurried
• back in college
• keen awareness of personal goals
• no longer shopping for entertainment
• no more excessive sleeping
• no dieting--awareness of healthy eating habits and exercise
• realize the importance of "beauty & solitude" in my daily life
• prioritizing times for personal grown--study and reading
• managing family finances--trust myself with all the money because shopping is no longer entertainment, i.e. escape
• keen awareness of important relationships to my life--the need for valuing and nurturing
• long-term financial management goals set in place, with short-term disciplines
• I don't give pieces of myself away indiscriminately
• I no longer need to please everyone
• realization that my job is not hard, but is worthy and fits my life right now
• content with current house until college costs and empty nest motivate the change--and the choice will be a factor of the current finances and needs of that time
• stepped-up savings and debt reduction to afford JE's college and also prepare for the next stage of our married life
• not seeking to fill the empty places in my life with activity, travel, people, noise
• awareness of separateness from parents lives and dysfunction
• no longer feel the need to "fix" everything, i.e. control

WHAT CHANGES DO I NEED TO MAKE IMMEDIATELY

And, from mid-November 1994.

• find time to focus / center
• don't do multiple things at once--just because I can doesn't mean I have to
• stay out of wasteful, unproductive conversations
• limit exposure to excessive negativity
• don't spread petty frustrations
• insist on exercise
• prioritize personal devotional / growth
• realistically evaluate home responsibilities--redistribute or revise
• keep a tight hold on social commitments, excursions, even conversations that distract, confuse, and frustrate
• pursue healthy, nurturing connections and relationships

"He is able more than able to accomplish what concerns me today...

If I could look through your eyes, I would see that I'm worthy...

I'm learnin' how to lean and depend on Jesus. He's my friend and He's my guide...

Little by little I've been learning to depend upon the Savior. I know He's gonna provide for my every need."

Willow Creek Community Church Ever Devoted CD (c) 1994, Rory Noland & Greg Ferguson

WOW! Such wisdom then and just as applicable now. A great reminder

GRIEF

As we discover our mistreatment, we begin the necessary and freeing process of grieving and mourning. Becoming aware of our anger and expressing it is a major part of that grieving process.

... we can learn to set limits with these people, so that they do not continue to mistreat us. We set limits both with firmness and with love. We do not with aggressiveness, but with assertiveness.
Healing the Child Within
Charles L. Whitfield

Visiting or being visited by my parents was utterly painful and draining and I never knew why. Then I learned about setting boundaries. Ahead of the visit, I would make a plan. A good plan. A fun plan--with a beginning and an end. No more sitting around doing nothing; getting trapped into malicious gossip about my siblings or others. We would meet them at church and then go for brunch. We would meet them at a restaurant or the park. We decided where, when, and for how long. It usually worked.

They began to like me. They began to say nice things about me to my siblings. It changed the sibling balance--they were not used to Dad liking me. They didn't like it. They weren't sure they liked me any more. They thought it was about spending money. It never cost very much, but it was worth millions!