The Beatings Never Really Stop

 

Not my story, thank God, but one worthy of documentation and remembrance.

Dating the woman who would become my wife I asked in the course of casual conversation about growing up, “…and remember when you would walk in the door and your dad would knock you to the floor, kicking and hitting and yelling?” She stared at me in stunned silence. There is no normal. The rational has been torn away from your ability to grasp it.

 

Watch Your Own Back

What matters is what you need to satisfy this goal: Take care of yourself.

One of the most crucial roles a parent plays is of protector--yet children of abusers need protection from parents. All these kids, to some degree, are forced to protect themselves.

Once your father gave you the job of watching your own back, you earned the right to keep the job. That means you're free to go into any event involving your dad, no matter how significant, with an eye to what's best for you. Guilt-free.

So. The question becomes, what's best for you? Or, if it's useful to think of it this way, which choice is least likely to ripen into lasting regret?

You have an idea which choice will have the lowest emotional cost to you. That's the one I advise you to make.
Carolyn Hax at
tellme@washpost.com

WOW! No one has ever said it better, or more clearly. Thank you Carolyn Hax.