Saturday, April 3, 2010


Is it a middle America thing? Or, a Christian thing? Or, a middle America, Christian thing? What's the freaking big deal about saying what you need?

I just had another of those frustrating conversations with a relative who is all stirred up because someone hasn't read her mind! A friend has grown increasingly more dependent and the weight of it has taxed my relative's physical and emotional abilities. Other involved parties have become accustomed to her willingness to help and continue to assume she is willing and able. She is neither. She's physically and emotionally ill-equipped to handle the responsibilities that fall to her, yet she fears it is impolite (?) or improper (?) to state her true feelings...

Asking for what you want, saying no appropriately, and disagreeing politely are important avenues of constructive healthy communication. Not asking, saying, expressing are unhealthy choices and just plain ridiculous.

No one, not even your nearest and dearest, is a mind reader. You have to let others know where you stand and what your boundaries are--these are some of the key avenues to communicating clearly and effectively.

My experience is that when you don't express your true feelings--you stuff them--they ALWAYS boil up and spew out inappropriately and often hurtfully.

It's okay to have preferences, opinions, boundaries. It's healthy for all involved. Don't try to make life a guessing game. It won't work and there will be damages...

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