ANTICIPATING...

I am the biggest waster of energy. I spend way too much time anticipating events that I can't control. Once they happen, I deal with all the stuff just fine, but in the meantime I am exhausted with the anticipation.

Not working this past month has given me way too much time to consider the two weeks I will be home alone during CA's trip to Europe. (I want him to go; I had my two weeks in Europe in May when he was too busy to travel.) And, I feel guilty for the fact that some of my closest friends live alone and only occasionally whine about it.

It's also that I have been in one of my lower energy-unsettled phases and have not been very productive. That being said, I have traveled, entertained, cleaned, and tended to all necessary chores and errands during this unproductive period--there's just been an attitude of ennui and procrastination. It's hot most days and sunny, and I need to stay inside, but too much solitude and staying home makes me even more lethargic and dull.

I am creating a bullet-point accountability list for next week. The second week I will most likely travel to Omaha to hold LE and play with JA.

• Get out of bed by 8:30am
• Make coffee and eat breakfast by 9:30am
• Clean a bit each day
• Eat fun and healthy foods
• Work on the e-version of my cookbook
• Go somewhere every day
• Spend time with a friend every day
• Laugh several times a day
• Be kind each day
• Read scripture, pray, and meditate each day
• Exercise/bike/yoga each day
• Get to bed before midnight

Without a list for accountability I can easily sink into a brooding, solitary state that is unprofitable/unhealthy. For so long work has provided the infrastructure for my days, but work assignments have been non-existent since April. A very slow summer. I have a two-year plan that includes continuing contract work intermittently with time at home and travel. For the past year, with one slow period, the work/home/travel model has been satisfying. With this economy, a slow summer was predicted... I imagine (kid myself) that in two years without the pressure to earn/work, I will miraculously treasure and safe guard each day--using my time to the fullest with a deep and satisfying peace propelling me forward. Embrace each day.

I need to actually embrace each new day starting today.