Saturday, July 18, 2009


An interesting comment in the recent Patricia Cornwell book, Scarpetta. In referencing Kay Scarpetta, her husband Benton mentions that it takes awhile for her emotions to catch up to her intellect.

I love that! I identify with that. Why have I not heard or read something like that before?
I believe that is totally my life experience of why it always takes me time to recover from intense social/work/travel/family situations. Intellectually I function on a high level and can handle myself appropriately. No one sees me sweat most of the time. I have always had high capacity, but as the years have gone on it all takes a bigger toll. I choose to no longer multi-task on the level I once considered normal.

But, truth be told, I'm not nearly as good at it as I once was. My energies run in some undocumented cycle. Sometimes I am fully charged, productive, and ready for anything, but then without warning I cycle down further than I want to go. Everything seems too hard or too emotional, and I gravitate to limited social interactions and then solitude. I hate it as I feel it coming on. It certainly is a type of depression and sometimes anxiety, but mostly it is a withdrawal. And, I can always fulfill obligations and lend support, I just can't be creative.

I know I expect too much out of myself during these times. I want the energized/productive/creative weeks to be my normal. And, I know without a doubt that if I am in one of these slumps that focusing on others and on work and projects can boost me right out of the groove and into the more desirable state. Life just isn't consistent, and I need to find ways and activities that give me goals and energy. I need to live with passion and intent.

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