Saturday, September 27, 2008


We now see through a glass darkly, but then face to face...
A day to mourn and a day to reflect. A good friend's mother died rather suddenly. They have no faith and neither did she, so what to do? A very classy solution. They had a luncheon to celebrate her life. There were two short eulogies and lots of laughter and friendship.

From the luncheon we drove into Chicago so that I could take the South Shore to Michigan City, IN to meet JA and drive to her home for a few days. I was early for my train, so I sat in the sunshine in Millenium Park, read last Sunday's paper :) and people-watched. World-class people watching.

Death without hope of eternity is a very hollow experience. My friend is mourning without hope. She is mad at her mother for poor health choices... There are many unresolved family issues--nothing earth-shattering. There was always a vying for position and although the oldest, she generally lost. She doesn't lose well. She is an extremely beautiful and gifted woman who always has an opinion--took me years to realize she was right less than 50% of the time. She is a doer, a mover, a shaker, a fixer. She knows a bit or a lot about a lot. She is a good friend and resource. Her mother was much the same, thus their natural disaffinity...

When my mom died it was a death that I had mourned for much of my life. It was the final act of dying that ended the pain for her and for me... God graciously took her. She didn't suffer then, although her mental illness was a life-time of suffering. I needed mothering that I would not ever get.

Now, I have a very dear friend and we mother each other. It is a joy to be her friend. She is wise and truthful, creative and giving. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Never stop looking for what you need. Do not give up. Needs are many times filled in unexpected ways. We have both lost our mothers and we both never felt mothered. We are mothers and we know what we missed. We have each other.

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