Needing to be in control is the basis for suffering... relief of suffering is surrender... surrender=winning the struggle of trying to control... Live cannot be controlled... Life is far too rich, spontaneous, and rambunctious. LET IT GO, BABY!
This is an issue that I struggle with. I grew up overly responsible. Someone had to be. I remember JF telling me that with two irresponsible or otherwise occupied parents one of the children will always step up to the plate and take responsibility. Sometimes at a very young age.
Our marriage has been a true partnership. That has taken years of negotiation, but the results are so, so worth it. You never have to guess what I am thinking or what is bothering me. I will tell you. I tell my husband to not over-complicate it. I say what I want, need, mean, think... He has a quieter spirit. Sometimes people think he is a push-over and that I must control him. Oh, my, NO. He is quietly stubborn. It is amazing that we get along so well. 39 years of marriage and counting!
I always tell people that my husband has less emotional baggage than anyone I have ever met. And, I could add that the carry-on baggage that he does have he acquired with years of living with me. He loves me.
It's all about taking responsibility while letting go of the need to control.