As we discover our mistreatment, we begin the necessary and freeing process of grieving and mourning. Becoming aware of our anger and expressing it is a major part of that grieving process.
... we can learn to set limits with these people, so that they do not continue to mistreat us. We set limits both with firmness and with love. We do not with aggressiveness, but with assertiveness.
Healing the Child Within
Charles L. Whitfield
Visiting or being visited by my parents was utterly painful and draining and I never knew why. Then I learned about setting boundaries. Ahead of the visit, I would make a plan. A good plan. A fun plan--with a beginning and an end. No more sitting around doing nothing; getting trapped into malicious gossip about my siblings or others. We would meet them at church and then go for brunch. We would meet them at a restaurant or the park. We decided where, when, and for how long. It usually worked.
They began to like me. They began to say nice things about me to my siblings. It changed the sibling balance--they were not used to Dad liking me. They didn't like it. They weren't sure they liked me any more. They thought it was about spending money. It never cost very much, but it was worth millions!